School is back in full swing, and though the kids love getting to all the fun projects there, I’m bogged down with chores. They’re just little chores, but they do add up, and when we returned home today from picking up the big kids all four of my children were crying when we walked in the door. Dinner needed to be prepped and tonight that took much longer than usual because the two youngest were fussing. Everyone was tired… including me. I really needed some true self care..
I hate days like today. They leave me feeling like I’m soaked to the bone from my personal rain cloud sitting in my personal puddle. The sun is shining elsewhere but the Wehde household is drowning.
I talk about my morning routine and my nightly routine often. Read more on the here. I’ve mentioned before that tidying up the house before bed is a major part of my self-care. It’s tough for me to go to sleep when I know there’s buckets of chores waiting for me the moment I wake up. Along with that are those four tiny faces waiting for me to feed them faster than I can rise out of bed.
Tonight, I let it all go.
Tonight, I needed a very different form of self-care. In fact, I believe our children were in need of some very specific caring from me. So for once, I let it go. These past few days have been hard doing three loads of dishes and boiling water ALL day long to clean them (The dishwasher is out and along with it the hot water to the sink.). I’m still tired from traveling and on top of that I feel the winter blues sneaking in. I wanted to clean everything for a brighter tomorrow, but I realized I missed my children, and I could feel them calling for me with their million and one questions, complaints, and stories.
What did we do?
We lit the fireplace. The kids turned down all the lights in the house. There on a blanket in front of the fire we sat there (the oldest three and I) and lounged around telling stories.
This was an incredible experience for me because I got to hear things I never heard before. They told me about the Dinosaur man who saved the monster from the fire. I heard a story about a boy and a girl going camping on the beach. Even the two year old told a story that began with “Once upon a time” and ended with “The End”. Whatever happened in the middle no one knows, but she was confident and animated.
It’s obvious our children needed this time because we laid there for over an hour mesmerized by the fire and talking. I know they need to sit and do nothing with me and enjoy just being. Besides our relationship, I think it also tends to their need to learn how to rest. Relaxing doesn’t always come naturally. But the most important thing it did for me was give me the opportunity to show them who I am, or at least who I should be.
I hate that I feel rushed so often in their presence. I’m bothered by the many times I become impatient with their questions or comments when I’ve been trying to focus on a task I can’t complete because I haven’t had a chance to start for the last ten minutes. Parenting is hard, but I’m finding the hardest part is being the mother I’ve dreamed of being.
Don’t get me wrong…
I’m not ashamed at all at the type of mother I am. I’m happy and proud, because I think I was destined to be worse. I’ve come a long way and there were several very difficult events that lead me to the type of mom I’ve become. I still have a lot to learn though, and with every career path (yes I consider this a career) the lessons are constantly coming.