Oh Lord, I am tired today.  My energy has been drained from my body and at this moment all I’d like is to lay still in this one place, my bedroom floor, with nothing on my mind.  Alas, I have chores and responsibilities and I cannot be selfish right now.

Please don’t mistake my weariness for being ungrateful.  I couldn’t have chosen a better lifestyle for myself, I’m well aware.  My longings are few and my gifts are plentiful and through this pain of being exhausted I am still thankful for it all.  In case I haven’t said so today, “Thank You God for allowing me to use all of my gifts to honor you even though it drains me often and thank you for each person I love because my life would be worth less without each one of them.  Thank you Lord from the very last drop of energy I have, thank you!”

Lord, I’m trying not to question You, but I do have some concerns.  I’m putting my all into each and every day, but I don’t know for sure if it is all worth it.  It must be, though, or you would not place these struggles and trials in front of me.  My heavenly Father, please guide me in raising our children, being a good and loving wife to my husband, and to be a dutiful daughter of Christ.

I can be sure the work I put into my children’s education will lead them to a better life.  I know teaching them to pray morning, noon, and night (and beyond) has great worth as it will lead them directly to you.  I hope that will carrying them through their lives.  Even when they stray, I pray their prayers will lead them back.  Disciplining is tough, I don’t enjoy it one bit, but I know without it my children will not be teachable human beings.  Their lives as adults will suffer, work, families, friends, and much more, without discipline.  Teaching them chores is more hassle and messy than it is helpful, but if I don’t put forth the effort to teach these skills will they know their jobs and roles in the classroom, the workforce, in society?  Will they see that the little tiny insignificant chores add up with great measure?  And Lord, the hardest part about raising children is teaching them to be sweet and kind.  There are just too many scenarios, too many teachable moments, too many different kinds of people out there.  How will I ever prepare them to know their worth, what is right and what is not, how to love someone who is unloving, and when to walk away?  I can’t be sure I’m doing all of this correctly.  I have concerns.  My stomach turns in knots thinking that one of my children could, even for a moment, turn into someone spiteful or mean or worse.

My children are so important to me Lord, but not more important than my husband and our marriage.  What am I doing wrong here?  Why does there always seem to be some sort of confrontation?  I fear I know his love for me too well and I use it against him.  Please help me to stop.  Help me to show my love for him more selflessly.  I’m tired, but I’m sure I could muster up the extra energy it took to put his laundry away, clean up dinner on my own, or allow him to rest while I get the kids bathed, teeth brushed, and ready for bed.  Why have I stopped doing these little things for him as I used to love the way it made me feel?  Is this really going to always be a work in progress Lord?  It is exhausting to hide my weariness when he walks in after a long days work.  It is difficult to hear our ideas of what’s best for our family don’t always align.  It hurts to give up these things, which are ultimately less significant than he is to me, in order to keep our marriage strong.  Please, God, don’t let me forget the things he’s given up for my happiness.  Help us come together soon in some of these areas we are holding against one another so we can begin to live more peaceful.  Most of all, please help us show are children what it means to be married so when they go out into this beautiful, wide open, messy world, they can find the exact person you have made for their future.

My prayer life is weak when I’m weak and I know that’s wrong.  I know precisely when to get down on my knees and pray, but then I selfishly act as though there is no time.  I talk with You all day long, but I’m aware a quiet well thought out prayer shows how much You mean to me.  I wonder if I’m not doing enough even while I’m praying.  I sit down to pray and my mind wonders to what is on my to-do list, or what just made that crashing sound in our toy room, etc.  In the past I’ve wished I were a nun so I could devote all the time I feel you need from such a sinner like me, but my prayer now is for you to help me see all the moments I have to praise You and honor you everyday.  My prayer is that through this season of having young children I will know each child represents the amount of praise I have for You, my God, and in time my vocation will allow for so much more prayer life than I have right now.

Please allow me to show the world what it means to follow Christ through my own motherhood, my role as a wife, and as Your follower, though I feel so exhausted today.  Today is just a small snippet in time, and this weariness will not last long.  With Your power I will rise up and see this mess I don’t want to clean, these chores I have no desire to accomplish, and the responsibility of being a wife and mother are more than worth it.  They are so worth it because with this tired body, and this weary mind, I can still give them more.  And I will give them more, because I know You always give me more.

Heavenly Father, please be with me today, even though I know you’re already here.  Please guide me to be better even if that just means one minuscule thing better.  Energize my body, mind, and spirit to overcome the obstacles that nasty devil places in front of me.  Let the stories of Mary and our saints speak to me so I can conquer life as they did.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hollowed be Thy name.  Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth is it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.  Lead us not into temptations, but deliver us from evil.  The kingdom, the power, and the glory are Yours, now and forever.  Amen.

Posted by:stmarthaslens

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