We’re not always doing what we say we’re doing, even when we think we are. For instance, when I’m going through a particularly difficult period, I may say I’m focusing on the actions that will eventually eliminate the hardship, but what I am really doing is quite the opposite. For instance, when my husband and I were going through this, I may have told myself I was working on my marriage but I was actually putting everything I could before my marriage. I was working more on my photography, or keeping busy with new friends, or really keeping the house clean. Granted, at the time I thought I was working on creating a better married life, but that didn’t happen until later.
I’m so thankful it eventually worked out for us, but for so many it doesn’t because we tend to focus on the wrong things. Take note of what exactly you’re paying attention to and understand that has your focus. It does not matter what you say you’re doing, if you’re focused on something else, let’s say your job and career, then you’re putting that “other” matter second, or perhaps third, fourth, etc.
You get more of what you focus on, and this statement works in several situations. The first time I heard it it was in reference to talking to children. If you tell a child, “don’t spill” then they’re sure to spill. The preferred statement is something along the lines of, “Walk slowly and keep your drink steady all the way to the table.” Get it? You focus on the outcome you want. It is the same in all situations. If your hardship is your marriage, then you words and actions need to reflect your outcome. If your hardship is dealing with a difficult person at work, the your words and actions need to reflect that outcome as well.
In order to want change in any situation, you need more than focus. You’ll need desire and will. In the case of my soda addiction, it hasn’t really mattered to me to quit drinking soda, because I loved it, and it wasn’t hurting me at the moment. If it doesn’t matter to you, and I mean truly matter deep in your heart and soul, no change will be made. It absolutely has to matter to you.
It doesn’t matter how big or small your hardship is, or even if others would not consider it to be a “problem.” If you seek change you need to focus and it has to matter, but most of all your actions and words need to reflect your desired outcome. You can’t just tell yourself you’re working on a goal, you have to really be conscious of it fully in that you aren’t putting anything else before the matter you’ve deemed important.