This blog is where I preach about being comfortable in your skin and making decisions based on your needs and your family needs, yet I’m compelled to share a time, okay multiple times, I failed at this.  This story is not from before the blog, it isn’t back when I didn’t know better, it was yesterday!  I roll my eyes at my insecurities now, but they’re still there, inching their way out the door, but change happens slowly.

I’ve set routines in my house to allow for relaxation during the day while still having a fairly clean and picked up home.  It’s been a scheduled morning and evening procedure that keep me sane during these days of multiple little kids and the last trimester of my pregnancy.  So, how did I let everything get away from me?  Sunday evening, my family and I rolled up to our driveway around 9:00pm after being gone for over a week, out of state, visiting our families.  It was a busy and fun-filled week for all of us and we arrived home exhausted!  After unpacking the car, getting baby hooligans to sleep, and clearing a path to and from the door for my husband leaving for work in the morning, we darted off to bed too.

I have never slept so good in our bed!  It feels so great to visit with family, but I always long for my own bed, even though there may have even been a luxury status to the mattress I was sleeping on that week away.  I longed for my bed and woke up in nearly the same spot I fell asleep.  Pregnant people understand how hard that can be.  I didn’t want to get up, but the hooligans were calling.  I was still incredibly tired and I could not get motivated.  Therefore, I skipped my morning chores and I slowly worked on unpacking.  By slowly, I mean snail-like.  My house wasn’t bad, but it definitely wasn’t how it usually looks when I stick to my routines.

Apparently, I had given the babies too much freedom because when there was an unexpected knock at the door, I was surprised to find many pantry and refrigerator items on our coffee table.  It was so odd, I had to really think if I’d served them lunch that day.   No worries, I had!  There’s quite a comical tale about how long it took me to answer the door, but I’ll make it too long and it wouldn’t sound as funny here as if you were there that day, so… cliff hanger!  I was happy to see a friendly face waiting for me behind our door, but I couldn’t get over my appearance, the junk lying around our house, and much more.  As we chatted my focus would go in and out as I scanned the room for underwear lying around or if our three year old even had his on at that moment.  It was pitiful.  I couldn’t even enjoy a friendly visit without worrying about myself!

I’m here to preach again folks!  Forget about it!  I had many reasons I didn’t get my home clean that day.  I justified them and was ready to stand by them until I started to feel embarrassed.  Why????  She knows I’m busy, and even if she didn’t know she isn’t the kind to care about someone else’s mess.  When I go to people’s homes and they scurry around to clean up or apologize for this or that, I don’t even consider their house messy.  It just looks lived in!  Why couldn’t I just relax and enjoy?

There’s more though….

The next day was pretty much the same.  Sleep was therapeutic that night and when morning arrived I was not ready.  The difference between the two days was… this day was a school day.  That meant getting three kiddos up and ready for school.  I did the bare minimum that morning as well, including staying in my sweatpants.  The sweatpants I promised myself I could buy because I would not wear them out anywhere!  (Reason:  I try to look put together and it takes very little time to throw on a nice pair of pants.  It is a personal choice and I rarely notice if anyone else is wearing sweats.  My fear is if I walk out once wearing baggy clothes, I’ll keep doing it and soon the word on the street will be, “a bump-on-the-log lives in house number 1348”.)

I justify the sweatpants and no makeup because who will I really see?  I know very few people in Tulsa, so I’m fairly safe.  WRONG!  I see not one, not two, but three people!!!!  Instead of enjoying the encounters, I wring my hands with worry as to what these women may be thinking of me.  I even apologize for looking haphazard.  Why???!!  The moment I walked away from each conversation I felt pathetic!  I hated my actions, firstly, because it isn’t even a big deal and, secondly, because I wasn’t able to fully enjoy and be present with people I have been trying to get to know more and be a better friend towards.

Ladies, we all have these days.  We all know others have these days.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.  The golden rule is to treat others the way you want to be treated, but turn it around and treat yourself the way you would treat others.  If you wouldn’t consider a harsh word for a friend who is having “one of those days”, then don’t do it to yourself!

Posted by:stmarthaslens

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